Category Archives: irreverence

Finally, science has a cure!


http://mustymoments.blogspot.com/2009/01/drink-yourself-to-sleep.html

This is only really funny for those of you who know me as a corporeal entity from the Real World. But for those people – those few, few, people – it will be quite relevant, I kid ye not.

Great site, Musty Moments, well worth a peek!
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"Any of us could be part skeleton."

This is why I love The Onion:

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a
stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of “skeleton
people”—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile delta region an
estimated 6,000 years ago.

“This is an incredible find,” said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford
University archaeologist and head of the dig team. “Imagine: At one time, this
entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons.”

It’s like The Huffington Post, but with a functioning grasp of reality. Or WorldNetDaily. Or…actually, it’s like the whole internet, but with a functioning grasp of reality.

Follow the current Evolution vs. Creationism/ID/[whatever it’s politically called this week] to see real-life application of this wonderful satire:

According to Hutchins, the skeletons bear numerous similarities to humans,
leading him to suspect that there may be an evolutionary link between the two
species.
“Like humans, these creatures walked upright on two legs and
possessed highly developed opposable thumbs,” Edmund-White said. “These and many
other similarities lend credence to the theory that hundreds of thousands of
years ago, human development passed through a skeletal stage. These skeletons
may, in fact, be ancestors of us all.”

“Any of us could be part skeleton,” he added.

Other experts disagreed.

“The evidence of an evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is
sparse at best,” said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of Chicago.
“Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to theorize that skeleton life
originated in Egypt merely because mummies, another species of monster, are
indigenous to the area. Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from the
vampires of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow.”

I want a placard that says, in big day-glo red, “I didn’t come from no skeleton!”

Or, “If we evolved from skeletons, why do we still have fossils?”

[Addendum – the main reason for this post, was my fascination with this update on ScienceDaily http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090602083729.htm which piqued my interest somewhat, and I remembered the old Onion article. Will write about music next time, promise.]

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Content>Context

Inspired by this wonderful Googlewhack-inspired post from the xkcd blag, I’m trying to find some phrases that elicit NO responses from Google. Although anyone who can find a googol of responses will win some sort of prize (maybe a copy of my CD, should it ever be finished. The probability is roughly the same for both).


The fun and entirely intentional irony of this is, once I post this, I will give the phrase a hit in Google (much like Randall’s Google Trends comic, where each spoof entry made it onto Google Trends due to all his readers googling the spoof). 
So, really, the goal is to create a memetic archive of the trans-mundane.

OK, let’s try:

john gregson is an alluringly attractive enigma” = 0 hits

john gregson is a handsome but unambitious Irish sanitation worker” = 8 hits

OK, see where I’m going with this?

Let’s delve into more esoteric territory:

everyone loves my Battlestar Galactica slash fic” = 0 hits (blessedly)

it’s easy to detect sarcasm on the Internet” = 2 hits

it’s hard to detect sarcasm on the Internet” = 415 hits (there we have it, 1-in-208 people are in the Internet elite)

i can’t find a single fault in windows vista” = 0 hits

the internet brings out the best in society” = 0 hits

the internet brings out the worst in society” = 2 hits (not as hilarious a dichotomy as I was expecting, but in the spirit of the scientific method, I must abandon my assumptions in face of the evidence…)

mail-order velociraptor” = 0 hits

godwin’s law is a useful rhetorical device” = 0 hits

john titor wasn’t a hoax” = 0 hits

john titor was a hoax” = 102 hits

only use google for good” = 0 hits

only use google for evil” = 3 hits

My favourite so far:

is this a meta-question?” = 0 hits

Any other good ones? Please post them here!

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Filed under humour, irreverence, Lists

I Can’t Dance

Although the title of this post may convince you otherwise, I’m not very self-aware.

I admit, even my closest friends who I’d class in the Worryingly-Obsessed category might hesitate before ever conceeding that I could ever be described – even for a second – as groovy.

Watch, children, as your humble scribe attempts to artfully flick a Metaphor Frisbee (made from 95% Humour) into the waiting grip of a Reciprocal Laugh-ee.
Instead, Mrs. Thatcher, the Irony Lady, has decreed that he throws a Simile Boomerang constructed purely from that rarest of Literary Metals, Depracation.

While we wait for the Simile Boomerang to complete it’s graceful arc, let me tell you about Genesis.

Yes, the Literal Truth, and Inerrant Word. Of Phil Collins.

I’ll try and hide my love-affair with sub-clauses – whoops, here’s one I should probably get rid of, it doesn’t seem to contribute anything to my argument – and get on with my argument.

Rekindled a dormant interest in Genesis today, while watching their new DVD “When In Rome”. Having had some friends see the reunion tour last year, I was very excited to have such a high-quality memento of the tour.

Also, my life at the moment seems to be revolving around Genesis alumni. The Wells Cathedral School Big Band, with whom I have the great pleasure of working, have just recorded a CD at Peter Gabriel’s beautiful Real World Studio – due for public consumption in July.
Also, for upcoming concerts, they’ve been working on a number of Phil Collins’ Big Band charts, including the ridiculous Los Endos Suite! Fairly challenging. Maybe not one for the ‘Slow-dance’ section of their gigs.

Anyway, always a pleasure to see Daryl Stuermer play guitar on this disc – superb tone and feel, as usual. I wish I could have been there!

Until next time – it’s nearly International Guitar Festival time, remember to sign up soon!

John.

P.S. Caught the frisbee. And, no, I really cannot dance.

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Filed under geek, humour, irreverence, music

Writer’s Block?

I’m sure everyone masquerading as a writer has, at some point, been stuck for inspiration.
Well, fear not, struggling scribes, as I have a fail-safe solution!

Just link to someone else who’s written an article you’d like to have written yourself.

http://arts.guardian.co.uk/reviews/story/0,,1841306,00.html

Just like that!

I’m slightly perturbed as to the origin of ANY of the stars in the review, though, and I believe that if I’d written it, I’d have made the article the undead embodiment of all the bile and angst that could ever be ontologically conceived…

But that’s just me, I suppose.

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I stand corrected!

Boy, is my face red.

You post, green-eyed, with mounting fury at the horrors that await. You think all is well. Spleen:vented.

My whole world-view came crashing down with the post this morning.

Yup, I got a card.

A bill.

A. Bill.

BILL.

Mind you, a card on Valentine’s Day, eh?

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Hallmarks Day looms.

Almost.

Almost there. Not much further. You can almost taste the relief already.

Yup, Thursday 15th. The longest possible time before next year’s Valentine’s Day.

Please forgive the lack of ceremony in my house tomorrow, but I could really do without this most manipulative and guilt-ridden of days.

So, to combat the blues, I heartily recommend you pop out to Woolworths and buy “Narcissus Road” by ace new band The Hours. Su-bloody-mag-perb!

‘Till next time,
JG.

P.S. For mystery poster Stephen, and any other wannabe pedants, my 10th resolution for 2007 was “10. Not to wantonly share all resolutions with the denizens of the Internet.” So thanks for ruining my assertions for a better Me. We’re just over a month in, and already 2007 is ruined.

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